Happy 1st Birthday Crawford!!!

morning of 11/4/2008

morning of 11/4/2009
crawford, my sweet sweet baby boy! you are a year old today. exactly a year ago was one of the happiest days of my life. the immediate love i felt for you remains indescribable and the joy surrounding your entrance into the world and our family will forever be etched in my memory.

your surprisingly abundant dark hair and tiny little newborn baby body are things of the past. seriously, i cannot believe how much you have changed. you started out resembling me but now you are billy's mini-me for sure. there is a picture of your daddy as a 20 month old in our living room and several people, his immediate family included, initially thought it was you. simply amazing. the noodle legs, peachy buns and lovely soft dark hair are long gone. you are now a blonde haired little chunky monkey with an irresistible smile that lights up your whole face. you are so squeezable with thick, roly-poly thighs and a big round belly. crawford, you are mostly such a happy guy with just the best little personality. you laugh and smile easily and often. you love when we "chase" you or play peek-a-boo. you are laid back enough to endure long times spent in shopping carts and strollers and content enough to play by yourself for what i consider to be a long time. sleep, that has never been a battle for you like it is for bailey. it's incredibly nice how flexible you can be with your naps and how easily i can transport you to your crib when you fall asleep in the car. you prefer to go to sleep on your own and often push your daddy or i away when we try to rock you at night. after experiencing things with your beautiful big sister, i recognize this as a gift. although you don't really say a lot of actual words, my son, you talk a lot. and you wouldn't be a part of this family if you weren't loud. your favorite toy of all time is any kind of phone, real or just a toy. actually anything that has buttons will do. but you pretend to talk on a phone all the time. there doesn't even have to be anything at all in that sweet little dimpled hand of yours and there it is, up by your ear as you gab and gab away.

i remember how i felt holding you the very first time. i thought it wasn't possible for me to love you any more. but i was very wrong. you used to feel incredibly light and airy in my arms. now, you are so solid and it just feels right when i hold you. all day long, there you are, on my hip, with your hand either grabbing onto my shirt or my hair. thank you for helping me to really understand why some women cut their hair short when they become a mom.

once again, god has used the children he has given us to reveal something about himself to me. crawford, looking back, i honestly think we could have lost you. wow, just typing that out brought tears to my eyes. your frail little body made everyone so worried. you were so weak and dehydrated and, as your mommy and sole source of food at the time, i am so sorry. i know that my motherly instinct that something still wasn't right, despite the assurance the doctor and the scales tried to give me, played a huge earthly role in recognizing the problem before things really took a turn for the worse and i am grateful for that gift. as scared as i was for you, i distinctly remember my unusual calmness, relying on the thought that the god who loves you and made incredible you is 100% in control and that he would not give me more than i could handle. i clung to this, prayed often and thanked god as i watched you transform into a thick, healthy, happy baby boy. in my mind, you are a miracle for so many reasons.

crawford, i love you much more than i could even begin to describe. you have brought an incredible amount of joy into our family and i cannot wait to see what another year brings! thank you god for our son and yours!!