A slight interruption

dear tara of august 2011,


i don't know the exact date you should read this, but i would imagine the contents would apply any day in august 2011, but especially on that first glorious day of kindergarten. can i just start by saying that i am jealous of you right now? you with your make-up on, clean hair and more in shape body with pants that include buttons and zippers rather than elastic. it may be hard to believe, but right now, i wish i was you. i'm sure you feel the same way about me.

i know today has been a hard day for you. your baby girl has gone off to kindergarten. she is officially a big kid. you will no longer get to spend most of every day with her and the simple idea of that probably causes a giant lump in your throat. you have probably already been through a few kleenexes today and maybe even a couple in anticipation of this day.

but there is something that i, tara of october 2009, want to remind you. this is a good thing. a part of you has been waiting for this day to come for quite some time. don't let that sweet face below fool you. you remember what it was really like.

i apologize, i feel somewhat distracted. that would be because 4 year old bailey is 30 minutes into a screaming fit. all because she chose to play with a game instead of putting her toys away and her shoes on like i asked her to. thus, i did not allow her to bring her pink leapster with us on what was supposed to be our trip to target to get halloween candy. and that is when the fun began. bailey is currently screaming "MOMMY! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!" over and over again from the garage while beating the door with either her hands or a plastic tub, i don't know, i don't want to know. she is there because every time i send her to her room these days she beats the door with some hard object and/or destroys her room. honestly, i'm afraid the door is going to break soon or that i will be taking her to the er because the dresser fell on top of her while she was trying to climb up it so that her angry arm could swipe all of the picture frames off.

tara, mother of a brand new kindergartener, remember this. remember these moments, all of them. remember these days. the hour and a half screaming fits. the horrible attitude. the stubborn will. the fits over the everyday things of life like brushing her teeth, getting dressed, picking up her things, etc. remember how the fits can come out of nowhere and be about the tiniest of things. remember that staying at home was not all fun and games and homemade cookies. remember how difficult it is for me to go to kroger or target. remember how you never felt like you had enough time to do anything the way you would like to. remember when a simple cold meant a weeks worth of isolation from friends and all fun activities. remember how helpless you felt listening to both of your darling children scream their heads off at 11:00 a.m. while you were still wearing your pajamas, haven't even had time to think about brushing your teeth and the house was a wreck. life would be so much more manageable if god allowed mothers to sprout another arm every time they gave birth. this has been hard. it will continue to be hard. but remember the good and the bad. i know you will be reminiscing about all of the awesome, beautiful, hallmark moments you had while staying at home watching that gift of a child grow up. believe me, i know there are plenty of them. just remember that they weren't all gloriously sweet times. i have had what feels like more than my share lately of the rough learning experiences and difficult "phases."

it's ok to say good-bye to those days. sure, this involves change (hopefully, you will be better at that than i am) but remember, it's a GOOD change. i would gladly drop my beautiful daughter off at kindergarten today if someone would have let me. you can do this. now drop off crawford somewhere and go get a pedicure with your friends!!


love,

exhausted tara