after a few "challenging" days with bailey, today started off pretty good. the house was picked up, laundry was put away, dinner was ready to be popped in the oven for tonight (before 8:30 a.m.!!) and both bailey and i were in good moods. bailey even helped me make our dinner this morning, but her biggest contribution was entertaining herself so i could get the everyday things done.
the weather was beautiful and after a busy week, we were looking forward to going to a laid back playgroup at church. her lunch was packed, we were both dressed and ready to go and i was considering this morning a complete success (finally!).
i was just putting boss in the laundry room, our final step before walking out of the door, when i heard the "i'm really hurt mommy" scream/cry. i ran over to where she was screaming and realized what had happened.
i had missed my morning cup of green tea and had the brilliant idea to make it and take it with me in the car. i put a cup of water in the microwave and when it was done, poured the boiling water into one of those insulated coffee mug things with a lid you see people carry around everywhere, tucked in a green tea bag and screwed on the lid.
i left it on the side table in the living room.
i walked about 7 steps to put boss away.
i took my eyes and attention off of her literally for a few seconds.....
i don't even know exactly how it happened, but my sweet precious baby girl somehow spilled boiling hot water on her left arm.
in the rush of picking her up, i first thought that she must have burned her hand and checked it frantically while running to the sink.
no burn there.
but the little thin white sweater sleeve was wet and when i ripped it off, i saw a big red burn mark on the inside of her elbow. her skin was already peeling off and was bright red.
she was screaming as i held her little arm under the cold water and i started to panic. my mind started racing. i know to put a burn under cold water, but then what? do i call 911? no, it's not that kind of emergency. do i call her doctor? go to the emergency room? where is the closest hospital? do i just go to the doc in the box down the street? i frantically ran to get my cell phone to call my mom at work and then rush back to get her little arm back under the cold water. when she bends her arm, her skin sticks together and i try to make her keep it straight. she is screaming. i call my mom on her cell phone.
straight to voicemail.
i call my mom's work.
ringing, then voicemail.
i call her secretary.
ringing, then voicemail.
i call billy.
straight to voicemail.
i call her pediatrician.
regular automated answer. i press 3 like i always do.
"the key you entered is invalid. please try again."
i try 3 more times.
all the while, she is screaming and crying and hurt and i don't know how to help her. and it's my all my fault. such a horrible feeling.
finally, i use the home phone to call the pediatrician's office and actually get to talk to someone. my voice shakes as i explain to the nurse what happened. at first, i think she thought it was just a tiny little burn, but when i mentioned that her skin was peeling and blistering, she said to come on in even though the doctor was busy with appointments. i ask her which is better for pain, motrin or tylenol, tell them i'll be there as quick as i can and hang up. i run upstairs, trying to calm bailey down while keeping her arm straight to get her some motrin. i have no idea why i'm so focused on keeping her arm straight, but i just had visions of her arm sticking together and the look of excruciating pain on her face as the doctor forces the skin apart. i'm digging through her medicine, trying to remember which generic brand is tylenol and which is motrin. my heart is racing, bailey is screaming, i'm shaking and i can't function properly. true panic mode. after realizing my mind isn't going to work, i just give her some tylenol because it is in my hand and i know i need to go.
putting her in the car was horrible. all i wanted to do was hold my little girl and take all of her pain away. i knew i can't reach her from the driver's seat. unsuccessfully, i tried to calm down and focus on driving.
a fifteen minute car ride never seemed so long.
bailey's pain went in waves. she would be quiet one minute, crying "mommy" and "arm" the next. her little eyes were circled in red and her flowered tank top wet with tears.
oh wow, this is hard to write.
i lost it as i ran into the doctor's office. i felt so ashamed, so helpless, so responsible for the pain my daughter was going through. the burn just kept looking worse. her little soft tender baby skin...... raw, red, exposed. there was one spot where i thought i could see a little blood. i signed her in and we sat down and cried together, chest to chest.
i don't know what i expected, but we were called into a regular exam room where we waited for about 5 minutes to see the doctor. the nurses were so sweet, telling me she will be fine and not to feel bad. something like this happens to every mother and they know i just feel terrible about it.
i try to distract bailey with a couple books, the paintings on the wall and a container of bubbles i found on the sink. nothing worked for longer than .246 seconds.
just by the way he looked at us and then looked down at the floor, i could tell the doctor felt just as bad for me as he did for bailey when he walked in the room. it was hard to hear him over bailey's crying, but i've had my fair share of experience figuring out what people are saying with bailey's cries in my ears. he assured me it looked worse than it was and asks me to remove her clothes so they won't get stained when he cleans the burn. i try not to bawl as bailey screams louder than i have ever heard and clenches onto me with every part of her body as the doctor scrubs her burn. i just kiss her little hot, wet head and tell her i know it hurts. i burned my fingers pretty bad a few years ago and i remember the pain. i can not imagine someone scrubbing my burn with the intention of removing skin.
after her wound was all cleaned up, silverdine ointment and bandages were applied. with about half of her arm wrapped in white gauze, bailey finally stopped crying and was visibly exhausted from the whole experience.
i cannot express how kind everyone at the office was. i am truly grateful.
we're going back tonight at 5 to have the doctor treat her burn again. he's just going to wash the area, put on some ointment and bandage her back up. i thought it was really thoughtful of him to offer to do that for me tonight since i'm still pretty shaken up by the whole thing. plus, i'm tired of seeing her in pain and holding her down. actually, i'm just tired in general.
actually, i'm already convinced that this whole thing is a million times worse for me than for bailey. as you can see in these pictures, bailey was just fine when we got home. she slept a bit in the car but was sweet, perky bailey even up to nap time. she hasn't pulled on her bandages or even seemed to notice them much, which was a huge surprise to me. bailey is peacefully resting upstairs in her crib while i'm sitting here with a lump in my throat still, documenting a humiliating moment in my life as a mother.
i'm sure we'll all be fine in a few days.
seriously, way way way too cute! sarah (camp's mom) and i couldn't believe that bailey and camp wanted to walk around hand in hand.
